New Year's Resolution

Change is what New Year’s resolution is all about.

We are not happy about something we have been doing and we want to change it – stop doing it in the incoming year. We loathe our vices, like smoking, drinking, and gambling and we want to find ourselves in the year to come smoke and hang-over-free with undiminished savings accounts.

We hate our indecisiveness for the costly price we have paid for it – squandered love, broken relationships, missed healing chances, and many lost opportunities. We want to find ourselves next year firm, strong-willed, and masters of our own destinies.

We have been guilt-ridden for years for fence-sitting, for our shameful lack of courage to advocate for worthy causes and fight a good fight. We want to find ourselves next year empowered with courage and determination to get involved in changing things that need changes, to right wrongs, to correct mistakes and to fight injustices wherever we find them regardless of whom we make enemies with.

Change is possible. Everything changes except change, says Heraclitus. If we failed last time, we try doing it again. Every year is a different year and this might be our year to make a difference.

A HAPPY & MORE MEANINGFUL & PRODUCTIVE NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Saved 2009 Text Jokes: A Little Laugh for Christmas

1. In a mental Asylum
Lawyer: Dr, how do you know that a person has to be admitted here?
Dr: We fill a bathtub with water, give the patient a spoon, a cup and a bucket and then ask him to empty the bathtub.
Lawyer: Aha, a normal person would of course use the bucket!
Dr: No, he’d pull the drain plug. Do you want a room or ward?

2. Judge: Why did you shoot your wife instead of her lover?
Accused: Your honor, I’m sure you agree with me that it’s a lesser offense to shoot her than to shoot a man every week.

3. Lion: Hey, my friend mouse, I am getting married. What advice can you give me?
Mouse: Just remember, my friend, that I too was a lion before I got married.

4. Apo: Lolo, kung mopanaw na ka, unsa imo ibilin nako, imo shotgun o imo Rolex?
Lolo: Ang akong pusil Dong.
Apo: Na, Rolex lang Lo?
Lolo: Unya’g madakpan nimo imo asawa ug iyang kabit nga nagdulog ug gusto nimo sila pusilon, unsa may imong gamiton, imong Rolex? Moingon lang ka dayon “Hoy, time is up!”

5. Wife: Hon, Ok ra sa imo apple scent sa akong femine wash?
Husband: Ok kaayo. Agwanta man gani kog durian…

6. A guy met an older woman at a night club last night. She was in good shape for one at 48. They drank quite a bit and she asked him if he’d tried a Sport’s Double, which she explained as mother-daughter threesome. He said no. She said tonight is my lucky day. They went to her place and shouted upstairs: “Mom, you’re still awake?”

7. Wife: My husband and I have an Olympic sex.
Friend: Wow, you must have a terrific sex life!
Wife: Not really. It only happens every four years.

8. A cheated wife asked a fortune teller what lies ahead. She was told: “Am so sorry; your husband will meet a violent death.” Wife: “I know but will I be acquitted?”

9. A couple was dinning in a plush restaurant. They husband kept staring at a drunken lady at a corner drinking alone. Wife: “Do you know her?” Husband: “Yes, she’s my ex. I was told she’s been drinking after we split 7 years ago.” Wife: “My God! Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long.”

10. Mr. Smith was rushed to a Mercy Hospital for a cardiac operation.
Nun: Mr. Smith, the operation was a success and in a few days you will be released. May I ask how you will make the payment? Do you have insurance?
Mr. Smith: None
Nun: Do you have cash?
Mr. Smith: None
Nun: Do you have close relatives?
Mr. Smith: A sister, but she is just a spinster poor nun.
Nun: Sir, I would like to correct you. Nuns are not spinsters. We are married to Christ!
Mr. Smith: Wonderful! Send the bill to my brother-in-law!

11. A farmer on a carabao offers to pull a car that was stuck in a mudhole for P200. The driver agreed. Farmer: “You know, yours is the 13th car I rescued today.” Driver: “Wow, so when do you have time to plow your field? At night?” Farmer: “No, no more time because night is the time when I fill those holes with water.”

12. A man robbed a bank and took hostages. He asked the first hostage: “Did you see me rob the bank?” The hostage answered “yes” and was shot pointblank. Then he asked the next hostage: “Did you see me rob a bank?” Second hostage: “No, but my husband did!”

13. Nanay: Anak, buntis ka?
Anak: Oo, Nay.
Nanay: Kinsa ang lapastangan nga nagbuhat niana?
Anak: School project man ni Nay about the miracle of life.
Nanay: Putrages, bisan kinsa pa na siya, ipapriso nako. Sige sultihi kon kinsa.
Anak: Daghan man sila kay group project man ni.

14. The preacher pulled aside a church member who hardly went to church.
Pastor: You need to actively join the army of the Lord
Member: Am already in the army of the Lord, Pastor.
Pastor: How come I only see you at Christmas and Good Friday?
Member (whispering): Pastor, I’m in the secret service.

15. Diary of a Sexy Tourist
Mon – beautiful cruise ship
Tues – met the ship captain
Wed – had dinner with ship captain
Thurs – got an indecent proposal from ship captain
Fri – the captain threatens to sink the ship if denied
Sat – last night, I saved 1, 600 lives! Twice!

16. Stages of Human Development (Men’s Department)
3-8 yrs old - paramihan ng mga sophisticated toys
9-18 - pataasan ng grades
19-25 – padamihan ng girlfriends
26-36 – pagandahan ng asawa
37-45 – palakihan ng income
46-55 – padamihan ng kabit
56-70 – padamihan ng sakit
71 & above – pabonggahan ng libing

17. Japanese and Pinoy in a Corporate HQ
Pinoy: Your new secretary is very pretty
Jap: She’s robot I bought from Japan
Pinoy: That’s amazing she looks and moves like real
Jap: If you squeeze her right breast she takes dictations & if you squeeze the left, she does encoding for you. Take it to your room and test it.
So Pinoy walked with the beautiful doll to his office. Within minutes, Jap heard
Pinoy screaming in pain. Jap rushed to Pinoy’s office and explained: O, I
forgot to tell you that her pussy is flexible pencil sharpener.

18. A guy went to the toilet and sat on the throne and then heard someone coming in the next cubicle. The newly arrived in the next cubicle started talking: “Pare, kamusta ka na?” First guy hesitantly answered, “Ah, Ok lang.” The second guy asked again: “Anong ginagawa mo dyan ngayon? First guy answered, “Eto, ume-ebs.” Again the second guy spoke: “Pare, tawagan na lang kita uli mamaya. May sumasagot dito sa tabi ko eh.”

19. Wife: How much do you love me?
Hubby: As much as Shah Jahan loved Muntaz Mahal.
Wife: So you would also build a Taj Mahal for me when I die?
Hubby: I already purchased the lot; the delay is on your side.

20. A 23 yr old girl married a man of 75 years. Days after the wedding, her friends
asked her how things went. “Well,” the girl laughed, “Have you ever tried
putting a marshmallow into a piggy bank?”

21. Salesman nanuktok. Mrs: Ngano?
SM: Nang, sorry kayo. Naligsan nako imong iring. Ako unta syang pulihan.
Mrs: Mao ba? Na hala adto sa kusina; panakop didto ug ilaga.

22. Doc: Misis patay na imong bana
Pasyente nagtinga: Bbbbuuuhhhiii pa koooo
Mrs: Hoy, ayaw pagbuot diha. Doctor na gud na ang nagsulti!


23. Mrs: Hon, magkatay tayo ng baboy
Mr: Bakit?
Mrs: Ika 10 wedding anniversary natin, diba?
Mr: Bakit naman baboy ang paparusahan mo sa nangyari sa 10 years?


24. Lolo ug Lola naglalis
Lolo: Inigkamatay nimo, isulat nako sa lapida nimo” Bugnaw sa buhi pa, mas
bugnaw sa patay na.”
Lola: Diay ha? Sa lapida sad nimo, ako isulat: Sa katapusan migahi ra jud.”


25. Anak: Nag-text ako sa asawa ko na pauwi na ako pero na-shock ako ng pagdating
ko sa bahay may katabi syang babaye sa kama…Huhu, bakit ganoon nay, huhuhu
Nanay: Anak, huwag kang magalit. Baka naman hindi niya natanggap ang text mo.

26. Old man very proud: Doc, I’m 90 and my 18 year old wife is pregnant!
Doc: Let me tell you a story about an old hunter who instead of his shotgun
mistakenly brought his umbrella to the jungle, met a huge bear, aimed his
umbrella, and pulled the trigger, and the bear fell dead.

Old man: Impossible! Somebody else must have shot the bear.
Doc: Exactly.



Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to All!

The Martial Law in Mindanao: A Perspective

The 1987 Constitution cites only two reasons when the declaration of martial law throughout the land or any part thereof becomes a necessity: the existence of invasion or rebellion. And this invasion or rebellion must be actual and not simply perceived. The framers of the 1987 Constitution dropped the qualifier “imminent danger” of an invasion or rebellion, which was not in the 1935 Constitution but found its way into the 1973 Marcos Constitution, to prevent abuses in the use of the discretionary power of the President and to avoid the repeat of the nightmare of September 21, 1972.

Invasion means the assault and occupation of the country by foreign enemy forces. Rebellion, on the other hand, may be of two kinds: (1) an organized armed resistance to the government with the purpose of overthrowing and replacing it (e.g., the CCP-NPA), and (2) an organized armed struggle that aims for freedom from the control and jurisdiction of the government (e.g., MNLF and MILF). Theoretically, in a democracy, the government would only resort to martial law when the rebelling forces have gained enough strength and foothold that threatens its very own existence. It is to re-assert itself and to protect the general populace. Martial law is a desperate act of government. President Quirino was not tempted to declare martial law despite the growing threat of Taruc’s Huks that had almost surrounded Manila in one occasion. Cory Aquino refused to declare martial law despite the series of military coups that hobbled the country’s economy. Erap would rather unleash the dogs of war in Maguindanao when provoked by the MILF than suffer the stigma of martial law. Only Marcos dared to do it in the past; but he had to concoct lawlessness characterized by a spate of bombings and killings here and there attributed to the toothless, newly-organized CPP-NPA rebels to justify his stay in power.

And now the Arroyo’s government has sunk so low in self-esteem when it declared martial law two weeks after the gruesome Maguindanao massacre and about a week after the declaration of the state of emergency in the area. It was unnecessary because the government was on top of the situation. Yet, she cited the dysfunction of the local judiciary and local government units, the discovery or recovery of voluminous arm caches allegedly owned by the Ampatuans, (courtesy of the Philippine military that supplied them to help in the war against the MILF, according to retired General Jovito Palparan), which, accordingly, is sufficient to arm 2 brigades or about 2, 2000 men, and an intelligence report of a planned uprising of the Ampatuan clan to protect its interest.

By all indications, there is no enemy invasion and there is no rebellion in fact to warrant the declaration of martial law in Maguindanao. The Supreme Court disavowed the claim of Gloria about the dysfunction of the local courts because these very courts were in fact the ones that issued the search and warrants of arrest directed at the Ampatuans. And if the LGUs could not deliver their services it is because they were suspended or their offices closed by the DILG at the advent of the massacre.

The atmosphere, thus, is now polluted with runaway speculations, to wit:

1. Martial law was declared to fast tract the recovery of elections paraphernalia that may expose the 2004 presidential election shenanigans that the Ampatuans may release when felt abandoned by their one time ally. It is to protect the squatter in Malacanang.

2. Martial law was declared to help the Ampatuans by charging them the crime of rebellion absorbing murder thereby - a political crime that may be quashed by amnesty - that would spare them from death penalty, if re-imposed, or life-time imprisonment. It is payback time.

3. Martial was declared to foment trouble in Mindanao and later throughout the country, resulting to No-El (no elections) and gradually put in place the rumored troika amongst the military, some church authorities, and the business and civil societies, with GMN remaining in the helm of power.

You may choose your pick or add the most likely reason behind the declaration..

The Best and the Worst of Times

Within the last three weeks my spirit soared to high heavens with so much pride being a Filipino over the magnificent feats of Manny Pacquaio and CNN 2009 hero Efren Penaflorida, Jr. But, suddenly my heart flipped from joy to terrible sorrow. The soaring spirit crashed in tailspin to the ground burdened with so much grief, agony and shame over the gory and senseless killing of innocent civilians in Maguindanao.

Manny proved that a Filipino can reach great heights in his chosen field if he wants to and works hard for it. Manny’s labor as a prizefighter has been adequately rewarded: On 15 November 2009, he took home the welterweight championship belt from Miguel Cotto and became the first boxer in history to have been crowned in seven divisions, namely: flyweight (112 lb), super bantamweight (122 lb)), featherweight (126 lb), super flyweight (130), lightweight (135), light welterweight (140 lb), and welterweight (145lb).

The unequaled accomplishment of Manny Pacquaio has brought honors and glory to the Filipino people. The euphoria over his win lingered sweetly for weeks here and outside the country.

According to the PNP, the crime rate in the country plunges almost to zero every time Manny fights. The streets are almost free of traffic jams and accidents, the thieves stop thieving, the hold-uppers and kidnappers suspend their noxious trade, the rebels and the military declare an informal ceasefire, and the politicians stop their nasty mud-slinging – all is glued on the TV set for some 6 hours. Peace thus reigns over the land, albeit temporarily, because of the Pacman. Manny deserves more than the Order of Sikatuna Award. If I were a member of the Philippine Congress, I would introduce a resolution declaring Manny Pacquaio a living Filipino hero.

While Manny has to smash the face of an individual, batter the body and soul of his opponent to bring honors and glory to his country, from nowhere another Filipino put his country into the limelight for his unique effort, his soft approach of touching the hearts and transforming the lives of the poor and forgotten slum and street children through his “pushcart” education. On 21 November 2009, 28-year-old Efren Penaflorida, Jr. of Cavite was declared the CNN Hero of 2009. A multitude was awed by the rare and unprecedented community service Efren does in bringing transformative education to the young and downtrodden that snatches their lives from the claws of drugs, alcohol and gangsterism. In his speech in accepting the award, Efren encouraged everyone to be an instrument of selfless service to those in need:

"Each person has a hidden hero within…, you just have to look inside you and search it in your heart, and be the hero to the next one in need.

So to each and every person inside this theater and for those who are watching at home, the hero in you is waiting to be unleashed. Serve, serve well, serve others above yourself and be happy to serve. As I always tell to my co-volunteers ... you are the change that you dream, as I am the change that I dream, and collectively we are the change that this world needs to be."

I was extremely moved by the life and achievement of Efren. So young and yet so dedicated and determined to change the world of the helpless and hopeless. My heart swelled with pride for the young man. I told my wife who was nearby also watching the triumph of Efren on television: “You know, if I were the President of this Republic, I would immediately appoint Efren the Secretary of the Department of Education. No one has ever done what the young man dared to do. The guy, I believe, has still a lot to offer to improve the plight of our youth.”

The joy over Manny and Efren was dampened, however, and was quickly replaced by heart-gripping sorrow when on Monday, 23 November 2009, the news on the Maguindanao massacre filled the airwaves, splashed on TV and occupied the front pages of the print media in the days to follow, sending chills throughout the world on the magnitude of its bestiality unprecedented in recent memory.

I could not understand how I felt the very moment I learned about it. My immediate reaction was that of disbelief. As the details of the tragedy began to unfold, I became very angry and sad at the same time and then frustrated by my inability to do anything. It’s difficult to imagine how such inhumanity of man to his kind could happen in this modern time. But there it was, wasted and bastardized, scattered on the grounds or buried beneath, innocent and harmless women and men, whose only mistake, if it was, was to secure the participation of some people in the electoral contest in 2010, or for some, to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Warned of possible harm to come to him if he pursued his challenge to the family of those in power, the primary political challenger sent his wife and relatives and their legal counsels to the COMELEC for the filing of candidacy, inviting the various media of communication to accompany them, relying on the traditional belief that women, particularly Muslim women, would be spared by the atrocities of men, so much so that some 30 media people would cover the event. The traditional wisdom and belief fell into broken pieces. The unexpected happened. Fifty-seven lives were lost (latest count) in an orgy of sadism and bestiality. Maguindanao will never be the same again.

Tomorrow evening, MSUans worldwide are invited to light a candle to show our solidarity with the families of the victims, most especially with the family of fellow MSUan Cynthia Oquendo and her dear father. At daytime, I will plant 3 hardy native Tugas trees in memory of Cynthia, her father, and the rest of the victims.

Cyns, you were the dream you wanted to. Goodbye.

Statement of Concern of the Mindanao State University Alumni Association on the Maguindanao Massacre

The Mindanao State University Alumni Association (MSUAA) condemns in no uncertain terms the tragic, gruesome carnage obtaining in Maguindanao, Mindanao Island, Philippines, last Monday, 23 November 2009. The bestiality of the act committed against innocent civilians - harmless women, their unarmed escorts, journalists and legal counsels, whose only mistake, if ever, was in helping sustain the fragile democracy in the area by their effort to ascertain the participation of some people in the incoming electoral processes, is unparalleled in the history of modern times, and has even eclipsed the equally condemnable senseless killings in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Somalia.

We salute the victims for their courage in pursuing their respective role in their chosen professions, and as faithful citizens of the land who dreamed and believed that democracy may still blossom and bear fruits even in an arid and hostile environment.

The Association is aghast, however, by the very slow, tentative and unproductive actions of the government authorities in pursuing and bringing into justice the perpetrators of the heinous crime. It is therefore encouraging all sectors of society, the civil societies, the churches, those in academe and professional organizations to put more pressure on the government to prevent a whitewash, a fading action, and eventual amnesia of the event. The Association urges everybody to be vigilant on this matter and never to let this pass until justice is brought to the victims and their families.

The members of the Association are truly saddened by this unfortunate development in Mindanao. The people have already suffered so much from poverty, inequality, social and political uncertainty, and violence that grip the Island. The government ought to put an end to this, stop playing patronage politics, exercise political will and use its iron hand to restore order and sanity in the broken land.

The members of the Association condole with the families and kin of the victims with deepest and sincerest sympathy in this soul-wrenching time of their lives. But we are requesting them to remain calm and sober and to let the law and divine justice take their own courses so as not to escalate the crisis in our midst.

We pray to God to listen to the wails of those who grieve over the untimely death of their loved ones and to comfort and assure everyone whose heart has been seared by the tragedy that justice and peace will ultimately prevail in our beloved Mindanao.

SALAM!

Atty. Halil A. Lucman

President

William R. Adan, Ph.D.

President-in-Waiting

Boxing and Money Pakyaw

When I was in the grade school we had this neighbor who was already a good barber at age 14 named Manny. Manny was short and stocky and wanted so much to become a boxer. When he had no customer at his open barbershop under the mango tree, he would be hitting his punching bag and doing shadow boxing. He would give us, boys, free haircut on condition that we had to go into a round or two of boxing with him as referee. Inasmuch as he had no weighing scale the pairing of his fighters was made on the basis of the claimed ages, within a difference of 1 -2 years, regardless of the size and height of the contenders. As he had no kid gloves, he would just wrap securely the fists of his young boxers with his worn-out t-shirts. The pairs of boxers on line and the bystanders would form a circle around the fighters to serve as the boxing ring. The human boxing ring was mobile; it kept on moving away from a boxer who would back track unto it during the fight. We always looked forward with excitement to Saturday and Sunday afternoons where the scheduled fights were held on the grounds of his barbershop.

I was genetically smaller than anyone in my age group and was always naturally paired with bigger and taller opponents. But I developed a sort of strategy in overcoming my disadvantage and brought almost all of my opponents to the ground: At the start of the fight I would immediately rush like a flash of lightning to my opponent and pummeled him with head and body shots not-stop until he would drop to the ground or until the referee found it necessary to stop the fight. Of course after some time, my opponents recognized my trick and used it against me. But unlike them I refused to yield my ground and would engage any of them in an exchange of blows until exhaustion took its toll on the lesser mortal. Toe-in-toe in-fighting requires strong stomach and great stamina. I developed mine by running every time I was sent an errand to the market which was about a kilometer from our place. My younger but taller brother and I had also regularly sparred in the house sometime with our bare knuckles. After a while, we run out of opponents in the neighborhood; the barber-referee would be compelled to pit my brother against me in some Saturday or Sunday boxing afternoons. At times, the two of us went home with bloody noses or with a black eye.

That was how I was initiated into the art and science of boxing. The possible career in said sports never, however, had an opportunity to blossom. But the initiation has made me a boxing aficionado. I would never miss a Gabriel Flash Elorde fight in the radio. I followed on the boxing career of Cassius Clay, later re-named Mohammad Ali. I requested our professor in UP Los Banos to suspend our exam in a graduate course on the very hour of the Mohammad Ali-Joe Frazier “Thrilla in Manila” in 1975. She willingly obliged, and all of us in the examination room rushed to her apartment nearby to see the legendary heavyweight fight of all time. I loved the fights of Sugar Ray Leonard, Thomas Hearns, and Marvelous Marvin Hagler, three great clean fighters in the welterweight division in the 80s. But no Filipino boxer captured my interest after Flash Elorde until I saw Manny Pacquiao’s fights on TV.

I started watching Manny’s four-rounder encounters on TV recorded from those Tanduay Rum-sponsored afternoon fights in some street corners in Marikina and other places in Metro-Manila. Manny was lanky and probably weighed only a little over 100 lb when he first entered the ring as a prize fighter. Manny, despite his size, was an aggressive fighter who, like Mike Tyson, overwhelmed and put his opponents off balance with an endless barrage of brute punches. His obvious lack in boxing skill was compensated by an amazing inner power, speed, focus and determination to crush his opponent. Of course, power, speed, focus and determination alone would not make a sustainable champion. Manny’s rise continued but was held suspect by many for lack of boxing skills. When he met Freddie Roach his prospect for eternity started to unfold.

We found in Freddie and Manny the almost perfect model of a relationship between a great teacher and a very talented student who is very eager to learn. Manny’s speed and firepower have been equipped by Roach with a different fighting strategy for every different opponent in the ring. I watched at noontime today (Philippine Time) how Manny pulverized the vaunted power tank and ferocious natural welterweight warrior Miguel Cotto. Manny effectively put off the Puerto Rican’s fire just after the fourth round. It was to Cotto’s credit that he was still gallantly standing some seconds in the 12 rounds after receiving probably the greatest punishment in his profession. Manny’s demolition of Cotto obviously showed some variation in style and approach to what he did to de la Hoya, Diaz and Hatton.

So one by one, all the great legends in seven different weight divisions in boxing – flyweight (112 lb), super bantamweight (122 lb)), featherweight (126 lb), super flyweight (130), lightweight (135), light welterweight (140 lb), and welterweight (145lb), fell on the wayside struck by the lightning called Manny Pacquiao. Manny has not been called Pacman for any reason at all. He has gobbled his opponents like nobody’s business, as well as the megabucks in the boxing world unparalleled in the history of any sports. The Pacman may now also be called “Money Pakyaw” by the way he rakes millions of dollars into his coffer.

All Souls Day

As kids in our early elementary years we always looked forward to All Souls Day. It meant a sumptuous eat-all-you-can fare of native delicacies: biko, suman or budbod, puto maya, and the cold-looking but deceivingly hot tsokolate. The neighbors would always have any of the preparations, and the practice then was to exchange what specialty was prepared among nearest households.

Even if we didn’t have any relatives buried in the cemetery, we would go there just the same because some friends were visiting theirs’. It was a pleasure to troop to the cemetery bringing a bolo, a walis tingting, a rake or whatever cleaning materials at hand to help our friends clean the final resting place of their loved ones. Some enterprising boys much bigger than us would carry around a gallon of cheap white paint and offer their services to visitors to repaint the tombs of their departed ones. We could only marvel at their skill of haggling for the price of their labor and their ability to finish the task at no time at all.

My friends and I were still too young then to concern ourselves with making money. It was enough for us to be rewarded for our collective labor with biko or suman, sometimes with coke or ice-drops. When our task was done we moved around the cemetery jumping from one tomb to another observing what people were doing in remembrance of the departed ones.

Moods in the cemetery differed. Many were happy and jubilant, especially those families and relatives who came in band, bringing with them food and other goodies. The gathering in the cemetery was a reunion of sort, a time to update everyone on the social, economic and even probably the political plight of relatives, or the health, the travails and pains of others. Tents were set up, and then there would be eating and drinking, and even some singing till nightfall.

But there would be others who either came alone or with company of one or two with so much sadness, remorse and depression swathed in their faces. They would kneel on the mound of earth that could be the burial site of the departed and pour out their anguish in silent cry. Children as we were yet the sight and melancholy rubbed on us and made us forlorn for some moments.

At night when the moon was round and bright we would gather in the barangay waiting shed and exchanged exaggerated stories about ghosts, kalag, multo and aswang until all of us were too scared to go home.