Textmate: Just for Once

1:37 a.m. The beeping of my cellular phone jolted me from my slumber. In this unholy hour this might be a very important message, ran my thought. But the number was not in my phone directory. Who could this be? I opened the message:

“I’m tired of you. You can go and rut in hell!”

“Why are you sending me to hell? I don’t even know you?” I sent a message back irritated.

“Who are you?”

“Is that all you would say after interrupting my sleep?” I switched my phone off and went back to sleep. I had still 2 hours to capture energy for my system before the 4 a.m. trip to Dinas, Zamboanga del Sur.

Along the way to Pagadian City the same number sent an apologetic note:

“Sorry Sir/Ma’am for my offensive behavior early this morning. The message was not intended for you but for my boyfriend. We quarreled after the office party.”

“No problem. But definitely I’m not a ma’am and please do not sir me.” I replied.

That’s how my one year textmate relationship with Elen started. She was 27 years old, single, and an executive secretary of a firm that installed telephone lines throughout northern Mindanao. Her boyfriend was one of the communication engineers of the company. I was then 54 years old, married, with six grown up kids. When she asked me what I was doing in Dinas, a peace-challenged community in Zamboanga peninsula, I told her I ran errands for my organization going to this and that place convincing people to protect and manage their coastal resources and environment.

Elen was thoughtful and sweet. Every time I entered a critical community where cell phones became useless and only one’s faith in God mattered, she would chase me with “Take care, ingat and God bless” before the signals disappeared. I regaled her with jokes and advised her how to handle her boyfriend every time they quarreled.

One day, I received a voice call from an unknown number.

“May I talk to Mr. William Adan?”

“Yes, speaking. Dr. William Adan, speaking. Anything I can do for you?” I replied.

The phone went dead. Then my phone rang again and Elen’s number surfaced; and she came ranting in Tagalog:

“Walang hiya ka. Niloko mo ako nang husto. Utosan daw, errand lang daw siya, extension worker, yon pala ay doctor. Siguro nakita mo na ako sa isang hospital dito sa Cagayan de Oro. Baka kapitbahay pa nga kita at matagal mo na akong minamanmanan at pinagtawanan…Bakit mo ito ginawa sa akin? Paniwalang paniwala pa naman ako sa inyo…”And her voice quavered probably in an attempt to suppress emotion.

That was the first time I heard of Elen’s voice. Despite her anger she came sweet and fragile. I was amused by her behavior.

“No, Elen, I told you the truth. I do extension works. Doctors run errands, too. And not all of them are working in hospitals. I told you once that I work in a university, remember? We have never met and I have not seen you yet. And you are not a laughing matter to me. I value your friendship. I have not taken advantage of you, have I? ” I explained consoling her.

There was a long silence. She sobered and then asked:

“Are you really married with six children and as old as my father?”

“Yes, I’m married. Yes, I have six kids. And perhaps I am old as your father.”

“If so, why have you kept me as a textmate? It’s difficult to imagine my father having a lady half his age as a textmate.”

“I’m not your father. And you started all this, remember?”

I thought the confrontation would end our friendship. On the contrary, our friendship blossomed. She did not only send text messages but began to call me now and then to update me of the happenings of their office and to inquire on my activities in the field. I learned that her firm had to close shop by middle of January 2004 as its work contract in Mindanao had been accomplished. Then one day a week before Christmas she called:

“I broke with my boyfriend and this is final and irrevocable. He is always jealous of me and accused me things I never did. I am always unfortunate in my relationships. I also broke with my previous boyfriends because of their consuming jealousy.”

“May be you flirted with the boys around you.”

“No. Boys moved around me but I never played flirt.”

“May be you are very beautiful and your former boyfriend was hopelessly insecure, and was always scared that someone would steal you from him.”

“Well, you really have to see me for that. My friends say that heads turn when I pass by. But you have to validate that yourself. Why don’t you see me? I have waited but you never asked for it. Now, I am requesting that we meet. Please.”

“But I am married and old.”

“What the heck! You don’t sound one and I don’t give a damn.”

“Now I’m afraid because you don’t give a damn.”

“Ah, that. Don’t worry I’m not going to seduce and rape you. And don’t overestimate your power over me, old man!” And she burst in chuckles.

“Bitaw, please just for one time. I’m leaving Cagayan de Oro very soon. I can’t leave this place without seeing you. I will explain when we meet. Consider it your Christmas gift to me, please?”

So we agreed to meet at 3 pm, three days before Christmas 2003 at Chowking, Gaisano Mall, Cagayan de Oro. She would be escorted by a female officemate and I would be accompanied by my wife and my 21 year old daughter who would be then shopping for Christmas. She would wear a light pink blouse and black jeans. I would wear a red t-shirt and maong pants.

My daughter Augie and I were already in a choice corner of Chowking 20 minutes before 3 pm. My wife continued her shopping and begged for a call once Elen is already around. At 5 before 3 pm, I knew it was Elen who crossed the threshold of Chowking: The guard’s mouth went agape, the utility boy stopped mopping the floor, the ice-cream man stopped scoping ice-cream, the ladies in the counter stopped receiving orders, and the customers near the door all turned their heads to her in an instance. She was about 5’6” tall , with almond eyes, fair complexion and a flawless skin. Her blouse and her jeans hugged her magnificent body that mesmerized everyone.

She looked around. About 10 men were wearing red t-shirts in the room. Finally she approached us, her eyes twinkling in anticipation:

“Dr. Adan, I suppose?” She ventured.

I stood and nodded breathing hard in excitement. She bent and offered her cheek for a buss. I wasted no time in imprinting a kiss on both sides. She smiled and then gave me a quick tight hug, saying in a whisper “there, there at last.”

“You are indeed beautiful. I can kiss you forever!” I exclaimed.

“Hey, your daughter is listening. I suppose you are Augie?” She addressed my girl.

“Yes. Papa is right. You are truly marvelous.” Augie commented.

My wife arrived and pleasantries were exchanged as we ate our snacks. Elen was bubbly and related easily to everyone as if we had known each other for a long time. She told us how her father, a Maguindanao Muslim, and her mother, a Christian Ilonga, fashioned her life. She was already betrothed to someone in an early age, but her father was willing to cancel the betrothal if she could bring home a respectable man worthy and deserving of becoming a member of the family. She studied in Manila under the supervision of a maternal aunt and was given 5 years after graduation to bring the right man to Cotabato. Five years would end on April 2004.

Augie and her mother left us later to finish their shopping. The officemate also joined the shopping crowd. Once we were alone she became forlorn.

“Willie, help me, “she trembled. “ I do not want to disappoint my father; he is very kind to me. But I do not want to marry a man I do not love.” She was silent for a while playing with her fingers. “Willie,” she whispered, “I’m still a virgin. I want to give myself only to the man I really love.”

Grief swamped over me hearing her confession. I scanned the recesses of my thought for wisdom and told her:

“You go home to Cotabato. Your father appears to me a sensible person. Ask for extension. Ask for more time to find your man.”

Her face lightened but she continued to play with her delicate and slender fingers. Then she startled me:

“Do you think I can find a man like you?”

“Like me?” I almost shouted. “Why do want an ugly dwarf who is as old as Methuselah? Come to your senses Elen. I want you to marry – if you are fascinated with older men, at least the like of Richard Gere. You should not lose your sense of balance.” I said this with Jelo and Richard Gere in my mind doing tango criminal in “Shall we Dance?” All of a sudden Richard Gere dissolved and became me dancing with Elen.

She smiled and her eyes twinkled again amused probably by what I said.

“I’m not physical. I like people who are intelligent, sincere, honest and understanding. I like you.” She mused.

“You don’t know me Elen. I’m not as good as you think I am. I can be stupid and mean. If you were my girlfriend and if you would become my wife, I would chain you to my side all the time. I think God made a mistake by making you so beautiful.”

She giggled. “What’s so funny?” I demanded.

“I imagined the reverse of what you said: you following me in chain while I do my shopping here in Gaisano!” And she chuckled again. “But you don’t really mean what you said. Anyway, I won’t mind being chained through life to the man I love.” And she was sad again

“I want to cry.”

“I want to drink beer.”

“For once, I wish we were alone in a place where I can cry over my misfortunes with you by my side, even if you were drinking your beer. But that is impossible. It’s time to say goodbye.”

She stood, gently pulled me towards her, kissed the top of my head, and disappeared from my life.