New Year's Resolution

Change is what New Year’s resolution is all about.

We are not happy about something we have been doing and we want to change it – stop doing it in the incoming year. We loathe our vices, like smoking, drinking, and gambling and we want to find ourselves in the year to come smoke and hang-over-free with undiminished savings accounts.

We hate our indecisiveness for the costly price we have paid for it – squandered love, broken relationships, missed healing chances, and many lost opportunities. We want to find ourselves next year firm, strong-willed, and masters of our own destinies.

We have been guilt-ridden for years for fence-sitting, for our shameful lack of courage to advocate for worthy causes and fight a good fight. We want to find ourselves next year empowered with courage and determination to get involved in changing things that need changes, to right wrongs, to correct mistakes and to fight injustices wherever we find them regardless of whom we make enemies with.

Change is possible. Everything changes except change, says Heraclitus. If we failed last time, we try doing it again. Every year is a different year and this might be our year to make a difference.

A HAPPY & MORE MEANINGFUL & PRODUCTIVE NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Saved 2009 Text Jokes: A Little Laugh for Christmas

1. In a mental Asylum
Lawyer: Dr, how do you know that a person has to be admitted here?
Dr: We fill a bathtub with water, give the patient a spoon, a cup and a bucket and then ask him to empty the bathtub.
Lawyer: Aha, a normal person would of course use the bucket!
Dr: No, he’d pull the drain plug. Do you want a room or ward?

2. Judge: Why did you shoot your wife instead of her lover?
Accused: Your honor, I’m sure you agree with me that it’s a lesser offense to shoot her than to shoot a man every week.

3. Lion: Hey, my friend mouse, I am getting married. What advice can you give me?
Mouse: Just remember, my friend, that I too was a lion before I got married.

4. Apo: Lolo, kung mopanaw na ka, unsa imo ibilin nako, imo shotgun o imo Rolex?
Lolo: Ang akong pusil Dong.
Apo: Na, Rolex lang Lo?
Lolo: Unya’g madakpan nimo imo asawa ug iyang kabit nga nagdulog ug gusto nimo sila pusilon, unsa may imong gamiton, imong Rolex? Moingon lang ka dayon “Hoy, time is up!”

5. Wife: Hon, Ok ra sa imo apple scent sa akong femine wash?
Husband: Ok kaayo. Agwanta man gani kog durian…

6. A guy met an older woman at a night club last night. She was in good shape for one at 48. They drank quite a bit and she asked him if he’d tried a Sport’s Double, which she explained as mother-daughter threesome. He said no. She said tonight is my lucky day. They went to her place and shouted upstairs: “Mom, you’re still awake?”

7. Wife: My husband and I have an Olympic sex.
Friend: Wow, you must have a terrific sex life!
Wife: Not really. It only happens every four years.

8. A cheated wife asked a fortune teller what lies ahead. She was told: “Am so sorry; your husband will meet a violent death.” Wife: “I know but will I be acquitted?”

9. A couple was dinning in a plush restaurant. They husband kept staring at a drunken lady at a corner drinking alone. Wife: “Do you know her?” Husband: “Yes, she’s my ex. I was told she’s been drinking after we split 7 years ago.” Wife: “My God! Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long.”

10. Mr. Smith was rushed to a Mercy Hospital for a cardiac operation.
Nun: Mr. Smith, the operation was a success and in a few days you will be released. May I ask how you will make the payment? Do you have insurance?
Mr. Smith: None
Nun: Do you have cash?
Mr. Smith: None
Nun: Do you have close relatives?
Mr. Smith: A sister, but she is just a spinster poor nun.
Nun: Sir, I would like to correct you. Nuns are not spinsters. We are married to Christ!
Mr. Smith: Wonderful! Send the bill to my brother-in-law!

11. A farmer on a carabao offers to pull a car that was stuck in a mudhole for P200. The driver agreed. Farmer: “You know, yours is the 13th car I rescued today.” Driver: “Wow, so when do you have time to plow your field? At night?” Farmer: “No, no more time because night is the time when I fill those holes with water.”

12. A man robbed a bank and took hostages. He asked the first hostage: “Did you see me rob the bank?” The hostage answered “yes” and was shot pointblank. Then he asked the next hostage: “Did you see me rob a bank?” Second hostage: “No, but my husband did!”

13. Nanay: Anak, buntis ka?
Anak: Oo, Nay.
Nanay: Kinsa ang lapastangan nga nagbuhat niana?
Anak: School project man ni Nay about the miracle of life.
Nanay: Putrages, bisan kinsa pa na siya, ipapriso nako. Sige sultihi kon kinsa.
Anak: Daghan man sila kay group project man ni.

14. The preacher pulled aside a church member who hardly went to church.
Pastor: You need to actively join the army of the Lord
Member: Am already in the army of the Lord, Pastor.
Pastor: How come I only see you at Christmas and Good Friday?
Member (whispering): Pastor, I’m in the secret service.

15. Diary of a Sexy Tourist
Mon – beautiful cruise ship
Tues – met the ship captain
Wed – had dinner with ship captain
Thurs – got an indecent proposal from ship captain
Fri – the captain threatens to sink the ship if denied
Sat – last night, I saved 1, 600 lives! Twice!

16. Stages of Human Development (Men’s Department)
3-8 yrs old - paramihan ng mga sophisticated toys
9-18 - pataasan ng grades
19-25 – padamihan ng girlfriends
26-36 – pagandahan ng asawa
37-45 – palakihan ng income
46-55 – padamihan ng kabit
56-70 – padamihan ng sakit
71 & above – pabonggahan ng libing

17. Japanese and Pinoy in a Corporate HQ
Pinoy: Your new secretary is very pretty
Jap: She’s robot I bought from Japan
Pinoy: That’s amazing she looks and moves like real
Jap: If you squeeze her right breast she takes dictations & if you squeeze the left, she does encoding for you. Take it to your room and test it.
So Pinoy walked with the beautiful doll to his office. Within minutes, Jap heard
Pinoy screaming in pain. Jap rushed to Pinoy’s office and explained: O, I
forgot to tell you that her pussy is flexible pencil sharpener.

18. A guy went to the toilet and sat on the throne and then heard someone coming in the next cubicle. The newly arrived in the next cubicle started talking: “Pare, kamusta ka na?” First guy hesitantly answered, “Ah, Ok lang.” The second guy asked again: “Anong ginagawa mo dyan ngayon? First guy answered, “Eto, ume-ebs.” Again the second guy spoke: “Pare, tawagan na lang kita uli mamaya. May sumasagot dito sa tabi ko eh.”

19. Wife: How much do you love me?
Hubby: As much as Shah Jahan loved Muntaz Mahal.
Wife: So you would also build a Taj Mahal for me when I die?
Hubby: I already purchased the lot; the delay is on your side.

20. A 23 yr old girl married a man of 75 years. Days after the wedding, her friends
asked her how things went. “Well,” the girl laughed, “Have you ever tried
putting a marshmallow into a piggy bank?”

21. Salesman nanuktok. Mrs: Ngano?
SM: Nang, sorry kayo. Naligsan nako imong iring. Ako unta syang pulihan.
Mrs: Mao ba? Na hala adto sa kusina; panakop didto ug ilaga.

22. Doc: Misis patay na imong bana
Pasyente nagtinga: Bbbbuuuhhhiii pa koooo
Mrs: Hoy, ayaw pagbuot diha. Doctor na gud na ang nagsulti!


23. Mrs: Hon, magkatay tayo ng baboy
Mr: Bakit?
Mrs: Ika 10 wedding anniversary natin, diba?
Mr: Bakit naman baboy ang paparusahan mo sa nangyari sa 10 years?


24. Lolo ug Lola naglalis
Lolo: Inigkamatay nimo, isulat nako sa lapida nimo” Bugnaw sa buhi pa, mas
bugnaw sa patay na.”
Lola: Diay ha? Sa lapida sad nimo, ako isulat: Sa katapusan migahi ra jud.”


25. Anak: Nag-text ako sa asawa ko na pauwi na ako pero na-shock ako ng pagdating
ko sa bahay may katabi syang babaye sa kama…Huhu, bakit ganoon nay, huhuhu
Nanay: Anak, huwag kang magalit. Baka naman hindi niya natanggap ang text mo.

26. Old man very proud: Doc, I’m 90 and my 18 year old wife is pregnant!
Doc: Let me tell you a story about an old hunter who instead of his shotgun
mistakenly brought his umbrella to the jungle, met a huge bear, aimed his
umbrella, and pulled the trigger, and the bear fell dead.

Old man: Impossible! Somebody else must have shot the bear.
Doc: Exactly.



Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to All!

The Martial Law in Mindanao: A Perspective

The 1987 Constitution cites only two reasons when the declaration of martial law throughout the land or any part thereof becomes a necessity: the existence of invasion or rebellion. And this invasion or rebellion must be actual and not simply perceived. The framers of the 1987 Constitution dropped the qualifier “imminent danger” of an invasion or rebellion, which was not in the 1935 Constitution but found its way into the 1973 Marcos Constitution, to prevent abuses in the use of the discretionary power of the President and to avoid the repeat of the nightmare of September 21, 1972.

Invasion means the assault and occupation of the country by foreign enemy forces. Rebellion, on the other hand, may be of two kinds: (1) an organized armed resistance to the government with the purpose of overthrowing and replacing it (e.g., the CCP-NPA), and (2) an organized armed struggle that aims for freedom from the control and jurisdiction of the government (e.g., MNLF and MILF). Theoretically, in a democracy, the government would only resort to martial law when the rebelling forces have gained enough strength and foothold that threatens its very own existence. It is to re-assert itself and to protect the general populace. Martial law is a desperate act of government. President Quirino was not tempted to declare martial law despite the growing threat of Taruc’s Huks that had almost surrounded Manila in one occasion. Cory Aquino refused to declare martial law despite the series of military coups that hobbled the country’s economy. Erap would rather unleash the dogs of war in Maguindanao when provoked by the MILF than suffer the stigma of martial law. Only Marcos dared to do it in the past; but he had to concoct lawlessness characterized by a spate of bombings and killings here and there attributed to the toothless, newly-organized CPP-NPA rebels to justify his stay in power.

And now the Arroyo’s government has sunk so low in self-esteem when it declared martial law two weeks after the gruesome Maguindanao massacre and about a week after the declaration of the state of emergency in the area. It was unnecessary because the government was on top of the situation. Yet, she cited the dysfunction of the local judiciary and local government units, the discovery or recovery of voluminous arm caches allegedly owned by the Ampatuans, (courtesy of the Philippine military that supplied them to help in the war against the MILF, according to retired General Jovito Palparan), which, accordingly, is sufficient to arm 2 brigades or about 2, 2000 men, and an intelligence report of a planned uprising of the Ampatuan clan to protect its interest.

By all indications, there is no enemy invasion and there is no rebellion in fact to warrant the declaration of martial law in Maguindanao. The Supreme Court disavowed the claim of Gloria about the dysfunction of the local courts because these very courts were in fact the ones that issued the search and warrants of arrest directed at the Ampatuans. And if the LGUs could not deliver their services it is because they were suspended or their offices closed by the DILG at the advent of the massacre.

The atmosphere, thus, is now polluted with runaway speculations, to wit:

1. Martial law was declared to fast tract the recovery of elections paraphernalia that may expose the 2004 presidential election shenanigans that the Ampatuans may release when felt abandoned by their one time ally. It is to protect the squatter in Malacanang.

2. Martial law was declared to help the Ampatuans by charging them the crime of rebellion absorbing murder thereby - a political crime that may be quashed by amnesty - that would spare them from death penalty, if re-imposed, or life-time imprisonment. It is payback time.

3. Martial was declared to foment trouble in Mindanao and later throughout the country, resulting to No-El (no elections) and gradually put in place the rumored troika amongst the military, some church authorities, and the business and civil societies, with GMN remaining in the helm of power.

You may choose your pick or add the most likely reason behind the declaration..